Closing Instructions
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” Psalm 23:5
Contracts signed, negotiations over, and on to the Title Company to close. While I was fully cognizant of the possibility of getting bamboozled one way or another financially, and had my guard up for the notorious unexpected fees and erroneous charges, I was completely blindsided by what was to actually transpire.
We arrived at the same time as another couple. That’s be to be expected of course. I shouldn’t expect to have the entire place to myself after all. But this couple and I had a history. The vile, old, withered crone led the way like an emaciated organ grinder, with her burnt-out, boomer partner shuffling along behind like a slack-jawed ape, dressed in comically ill-fitting human clothes, whose spirit was broken long ago. The woman bears an uncanny resemblance to the classic Miss Prissy, that skinny old chicken-slut who was constantly trying to get Foghorn Leghorn to scratch her nasty itch. Yet, rather than just being pathetically horny and desperate, this one feeds hungrily on the misery of others, and it shows.
They entered another office and I stood there, struggling with violent, murderous thoughts, but trying desperately not to let it show. ‘Are you OK?”, the agent asked. “I’m fine”, I lied as I snapped out of my dark reverie and managed the best fake smile I could.
Closing Instructions
Closing entails signing an inordinate number of documents, the type of which are conjured in a such a manner as to completely preclude their actual reading. Perhaps the first few garner some semblance of interest- some degree of discretion- but by the time the eighth or ninth paper is slid deftly under my shaking pen by the suspiciously disinterested title officer, I could have signed away my soul to hell without any idea whatsoever. At least until that fateful day when the greedy devil arrived to collect his infernal due!
By the time the signing was over, my heart rate had stabilized and the black spots on the edges of my vision had cleared up nicely. I think I even managed a light-hearted joke or two.
Also, for the record, my noted trepidation regarding the closing procedure and related fees and charges thankfully proved unfounded. Empire Title handled the whole affair more than admirably, even if my hand felt like it was irreparably cramped!
Let Me Eat in Peace
These despicable people had once tried to ruin me, made my life a living hell for a couple years, and yet here I was- unscathed and on the cusp of receiving, from the very Hand of God, one of the greatest blessings (and challenges) of my life, La Cresta. I had won without fighting, for He had fought for me. It was then I realized I could now feast on His goodness, in complete security, without having to constantly look over my shoulder.
Leaving the office, I still looked for them and was vaguely hoping on some sort of confrontation, but they were gone, which was definitely for the best. I’ve thankfully never seen them again.
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